Not So Mad, Fat Diary
by beexcellent
Summary: Things got bad after shit hit the fan again, after some help can Rae start to live life like a normal girl again? Possible season 2 spoilers ahead. Rated M for language and possible smut.
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Diary,_

_After the whole college breakdown, Finn and Tixie, I took a turn for the worst and hurt myself again. And now it's been 4 months since I saw any of the gang, or wrote in you. Kester says hospital wasn't needed, that it was a one off, instead I sat in on group therapy twice a week and honestly, I have never felt better. _

_The college have been sending me my work, we came to an agreement that I could do the work and just send it in, that way I don't have to stay back a year. _

_One of the girls, Annabel, from therapy showed me a leaflet 3 months and 2 weeks ago, it was for a weight loss camp. If it wasn't for the fact she was the same size as me, I would have been offended. But here we are, exactly 3 months later. If you told me 4 months ago that I'd be here, weighing 13 stone, I'd laugh hysterically and punch you in the tit. _

_I may have shifted 3 stone, but rather than aiming to just lose weight we found ways to tone my body up so I'm not a stick like Chloe, I'm a healthy, curvy size 14/16. And I love it._

Today was the day I returned home, I had almost forgotten what a shit hole Lincolnshire is.

Mum won't shut up about how I look, she keeps asking if I like it. I can't really answer, there were no mirrors at the camp, all I know is I feel almost normal.

Part of me is reluctant to go upstairs, into my old room, the scene of the crime. But there's not much else I can do, so I grit my teeth and push my way in with my bags.

For some reason, my mood doesn't change when I see the bed, or the stain on the carpet, or my old diary. I see the mirror in the corner of the room, and shake my head, not ready yet.

Mum has thrown all of my clothes away, except my oasis shirt. In their place, are brand new clothes - well most look like hand-me-downs, but that's okay, they're new to me.

"Rae!" Mum screams up the stairs and I roll my eyes.

"I've been home 5 minutes and you're already shouting, what could I have possibly done wrong already?" I stand at the top of the stairs waiting for a reply.

"Come here Rae" she's out of sight and giggling nervously.

I furrow my eyebrows and slowly walk down the stairs, she's stood at the front door and as I get closer I can smell strong perfume and I know exactly what's on the other side of that door.

"Chloe?" I stand behind mum.

"Oh my God, Rae! Look at you!" She looks geniunely shocked. Whether that's good or not I don't know.

"Umm... Mum.. I'm gonna go out for a bit" I shut the door behind me and walk quickly.

"Rae hold up! Where the hell have you been?" Chloe tottered after me.

"I.. Umm.. Went away for a little while"

"4 months is not a little while. We've been worried sick about you" I can't tell if she's lying anymore.

"I'm fine. I'm actually more than fine, I'm great" she smiles.

"You look great, never thought I'd see you wearing a dress willingly" she nodded approvingly and I awkwardly stood there blushing like a fucking tomato.

"Okay let's go shopping" she clapped and linked her arm with mine. I never thought I'd be happy to go shopping with Chloe, but then again, I never thought I'd weigh less than 16 stone.

After 3 torturous hours watching Chloe try on bikinis and getting a long dress for me, we decided to get food, of course the chip shop was the first choice.

It was weird walking in there, after so long of not being around unhealthy food. But hell, I deserve a treat!

So I treated myself to a battered sausage and chips. And it was glorious.

But now I'm suffering from an overly full stomach that feels like it's going to burst open any second.

"Are you coming back to college now?" Chloe asked with her mouth full, like watching a washing machine.

"I don't know, maybe" I shrug and play with the straw in my glass of water. That must have triggered something because she spent the rest of the time in the chip shop trying to convince me to go.

We were walking down the street when I spotted him, about 20 feet in front of us. Looking like sex on legs.

"Oh shit" I kept my head down. The first time I see Finn in 4 months and I'm wearing a fucking dress.

"Alright Finn" I hear Chloe say, he murmurs in response. There's a silence, and I slowly lift my head to see him staring at me.

"Rae" is all he says, I smile slightly

"Finn" Chloe looks between us, and says she'll catch me later.

"Where have you- what did - I uh.." he stuttered, rubbing the back of his head with his hand.

"I've been away" his eyes darted to mine.

"As in like, hospital?" I quickly shook my head

"No I went to a sort of camp for a while" his eyebrows furrowed and I could sense the confusion.

"Camp?" I scrunch my nose up and take a deep breath.

"I went to fat camp, Finn" something flashed in his eyes and he rounded his shoulders.

"Why would you do that? You didn't need to do that"

"I know, but I'm glad I did. I feel great" His face softens, and he nods.

"You look it" his eyes are on the ground and his cheeks look pink.

"Do you wanna walk, girl?" he holds a hand out to me and I cautiously take it.

I forgot, I had forgotten how it felt to touch his skin, the electricity that surges through my body when we make contact. It's like my skin's on fire.

We sit down on one of the benches at the kids park, he sits opposite me.

"How's college?" I ask awkwardly.

"Boring" I tilt my head slightly waiting for him to go on.

"There's nothing to do now, besides work obviously"

"What about the gang?" he half smiles, it's not a real one.

"Well Chop doesn't go to college, Archie has become some kind of Rugby prick, Chloe and Izzy are always busy together so.. The gang isn't really a gang anymore" he trails off.

"So what do you do?" he's playing with his hands, not looking at me.

"I uh, sit around doing nothing basically" he laughs nervously.

How could this have happened? The gang was so close before, how could Archie turn into a "rugby prick" he's gay!

"Surely you have other friends?"

"Not exactly"

"But.. why?" he looks me in the eyes.

"No one adds up"

"To what?" I'm so fucking confused, and he grabs my arm, wondering what the fuck he's doing until he starts to write.

_You._

* * *

Sorry it's only a short one guys, testing to see how much response I get before I carry on :)


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own anything to do with MMFD unfortunately!

* * *

"What do you mean?" he rolls his eyes and grins.

"Did fat camp suck your brain out?"

"Maybe a little"

"You know I'm no good with words" he looks shy and I have to stop myself giggling at how much he looks like a little puppy.

"I really fucking missed you" he mumbles, I almost didn't hear it.

"Finn.. I'm really sorry y'know.. For before" he puts his hand over mine.

"I'm sorry too, for not asking if you were okay, or noticing you were struggling" I shook my head.

"There's nothing you could have done, there was just a lot going on in my head and of course there was the whole college staring at me thing... That didn't help"

"Staring at you?"

"Whenever we were together everyone would just stare. Because they thought it was crazy that someone like you would go for someone like me"

"Is that what you meant when you said I'm an 11 and you're a 4?!" I nodded and he looked so angry.

"Rae you're definitely not a 4, you're not even close! You've always been off the scale to me, don't you ever think that you're not good enough!" His voice kept rising and I had to clutch his hand to calm him down, it took a moment for his words to sink in.

"I'm sorry" what more could I say? I couldn't help how I felt, I couldn't help that my 16 stone body and completely fucked up mind had led me to believe I could never be good enough for him.

He asked me to go to his tonight, like old times, and I agreed, but I'm not wearing a dress. Raemundo didn't wear dresses around the guys.

So the first thing I did when I got home, put on my old oasis shirt, and some jeans. And then I faced the mirror.

Holy Christ on a fucking bike. With bells on.

I expected to look bad or at least feel bad when I saw myself. But my lord, is this what normal girls feel like? For the first time since I started puberty, I didn't hate the girl in the mirror.

Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near skinny, but I definitely wasn't fat. There was no spare tyres, no blubber bursting over the top of my jeans. I look good.

"Fucking embarrassing how good I look some days" I grinned to myself, remembering the day I said it in front of Kester, of course it had been a lie back then.

My oasis shirt is too big. Great. Oh who the fuck cares? It held my boobs in, so it's fine!

When I got to the bottom of Finn's steps, I considered turning round and walking home again, but that backfired as the door flung open seconds later.

"Alright Rae! FINN, RAE IS HERE!" His dad shouted loud enough for people 2 miles away to know that I had arrived.

I walked inside, and heard music playing upstairs. Taking that as a sign I headed straight up there, twiddling my thumbs not sure how to approach. Do I knock? Do I just go in?

I shook my head at myself and turned the handle, and Finn had his back to me.

He's doing a little jig to Spaceman, can't believe he got me to like Babylon Zoo after I vowed to hate that song forever.

"Turn that shit off" I stand with my arms crossed and he jumps a little at my sudden appearance, blushing a little.

"Did I scare you Finley?" It felt weird using his old nickname.

"Could have gave me a fucking heart attack" he chuckled and took a gulp of beer, passing one to me.

"Still listening to shit music I see" I poke him in the ribs and he squirms.

"Still thinking you're the master of music I see" he poked me back and then stopped dead in his tracks to look at me.

I don't know why he's staring so long, do I look a twat? Have I got something on my jeans? Is it because my top looks like a tent?

I shuffle uncomfortably and he looks back up at my face.

"Sorry.. You just look..." He trails off and smiles.

"No good with words, eh?" He nods and pulls me into a hug.

Oh god I'd missed this. Just hanging out with him, hugging him, he always made me feel safe and tingly and that hadn't changed.

"I missed you Rae" he says into my shoulder.

"I missed you too" I have a grin on my face again, I need to stop smiling so much, it's not normal.

We spent a few hours just talking about anything we could think of, and then admitted how Chop, Chloe and Izzy had been pestering him to go to the pub most nights and he'd turned it down.

So straight away I got up and threw his leather jacket at him and pulled him out the door down to the pub.

Izzy saw us first, she ran over and launched herself at me, then gave Finn a hug.

"You guys are here! It's been so long! Rae we have so much to talk about. But first, you need a drink" she grabbed my hand and me and Finn smirked at each other before I grabbed his arm and pulled him with us.

"Bloody hell Raemundo returns!" Chop gives me a hug and nods at Finn.

I sit next to Izzy and Finn having a little chat about her and Chop, while Chop gets the pints in for us. He plants it down in front of me and I sigh happily.

"What's up Rae?" Chloe asks.

"I can't remember the last time I had a pint" I stroke the glass fondly and the group starts laughing.

Conversation led to college quickly, and of course that led to me.

"You have to come back Rae, it's so boring without you" Chloe rubs my hand across the table.

"Please Rae, it'll be fun" Izzy looks at me with sad puppy dog eyes.

Finn sits silently but I know he has something to say. And just like that he's pulling up his sleeve a little and begins writing.

_Please_.

I sigh and scratch the back of my neck.

"Does it have to be tomorrow?" I ask and the girls nod excitedly.

"Fine" I neck my pint and Chop orders 5 drinks to go.

Fucking hell. I thought I'd have more time before I had to think about going back to the hell hole. But the evil twins wouldn't allow it if I suggested it.

We all walk Chloe to her house, then Chop and Izzy wander off together, leaving me and Finn.

"Want me to walk you home?" He asks.

"How gentlemanly of you" I nudge him with my shoulder and he grins.

It's weird how things seem so normal, like we never stopped speaking.

We spent the walk talking about college and if I was ready, after talking and thinking it over I knew it was now or never, and I'm in a better state of mind, and body now.

"So I'll see you tomorrow then?" He puts his hands in his pockets.

"Chip shop at 8" I nod and he pulls me into a hug, and I can't help but smile yet again.

"See you tomorrow Finley" I shut the door behind me and giggle like a little fucking girl.

Oh shit. Clothes.

"Muuuummmm" I shout as I run to my room and mum comes barging in.

"I need help picking clothes for tomorrow!"

"Jesus Christ, Rae. I thought something had happened! I thou- what's happening tomorrow?" She puts her hands on her hips.

"College"

"Are you sure?" She drops her hands and I nod.

"Now or never" she sighs and starts pulling out coat hangers with clothes on and holds them against me, seeing what looks best.

"These" she hands me some light denim jeans.

"That" she gives me a dark blue top with 3/4 sleeves.

"And boots. Need boots" she nods and smiles. But I don't own boots.

"I don't even own boots, mum" she holds a finger up and disappears for a few seconds and I stand there awkwardly holding this flimsy top that won't hide the boulders on my chest.

She returns with some flat, black boots. Probably come to just below the knee. Maybe they wouldn't be so bad.

"Thanks mum. Did I get any more work sent to me?" She shakes her head.

"Shit, my time table, I don't know it!" She rolls her eyes and tells me to just go to the office when I get there.

"Now go to bed" she commands and slams the door. Very well. Bonding moment is clearly over.

10 hours and 18 minutes until college.

Woop de fucking doo.


	3. Chapter 3

Yet again, I own nothing :(

* * *

I'm woken up by mum screaming that I'm late.

I look at my alarm clock and for once she wasn't lying. I am in fact late.

It was 7:40, I had less than 20 minutes to get ready and get to the chip shop.

Okay. Plan of action.

I sling my clothes and underwear into the bathroom. Get undressed quickly and sit down on the loo, morning piss - check. I pull my underwear on and my jeans, slip my bra on and the flimsy top, and quickly brush my teeth.

My hair isn't a birds nest, sweet.  
Face is spot free, even better.  
Just need the boots and a jacket, and 10 minutes to spare.

I pull the boots on while coming down the stairs and almost fall head first down the bastards.

"You're late" mum shouts from the car.

"I see that" I shout as I chuck my bag over my shoulder and hold my black jacket in my hands.

We are in the car and on the way. 5 minutes to spare.

We get to the chip shop at 8:02.  
Everyone's already here, and they all get ready to welcome me as they see me stepping out the car.

"Rae!" Chloe totters over.

"Your top is almost see through" she whispers.

"I know that's why I have this" I hold the jacket up and make her hold my bag while I put it on.

"Better?" She nods and passes me my bag.

"Got you a brew" Finn passes me the disposable cup of coffee, and then we walk. It's like the first day all over again.

Chop leaves us at the gates, Izzy runs off with Chloe after saying they'll find me at break, and Finn smiles, grabbing my hand and leads me through the door into the college, just like the first day.

Except no one is laughing.

People are staring, but they're smiling, why.

"Umm... Finn..." I start but he knows what I'm going to say.

"It's because you look amazing" he mumbles and smiles to himself, eyes on the floor.

I look around again and notice that no one is looking now, it's not like the first day.

We stop at the end of the corridor near the office.

"Want me to come in with you?"

"Won't you be late?" I definitely don't want to cause shit for him before the day has begun.

"I have 15 minutes" he smiles and opens the door for me.

After a 5 minute welcome back, i got my timetable, it was pretty dull, nothing exciting.

Finn walked me to the door of my first class and wished me good luck.

It was English, all we did was read a book about some lovers that couldn't be together so they killed themselves, fun right?

Why didn't they just tell everyone to fuck off? Or move somewhere else?

I wouldn't let other people affect my relationship like that.

But then I remembered, I already did let that happen.

I spent my next lesson in a daze, day dreaming of how Finn was Romeo and how I, Juliet, fucked things up royally.

Break went by too quick, how is 20 minutes long enough? My brain was melting, I'm pretty sure it almost leaked out of my ear at one point.

2 more lessons, both unimportant, both dull as fuck. I got more work done in one hour at home than in a day at college. Welcome to the English education system.

Lunch, finally.

Chloe and Izzy were sat outside on a bench, I started walking over to them when someone poked me in the side and I was ready to unleash fury when I discovered I was Finn.

"I could have hit you!" He laughs and pulls me over to the bench.

Chloe and Izzy are talking about some guy in one of their classes, Liam. Discussing how he seemed a bit psycho.

Finn distracted me by talking about a gig some guys were talking about in class, some really cheesy pop band that had about 300 people in the audience. It got me thinking about the Oasis gig I missed.

Damn Chloe. Damn her and her affair with a teacher that led to an abortion and me missing my chance to see Liam and Noel singing their heart out.

We decided not to go to the pub tonight, drink and college don't mix well.

"So Friday, I've got an empty. Parents are out of town for the weekend" Finn shared with the group.

"Sexy party!" Chloe clapped.

"Uhh yeah, but not too many people alright? None of the college wankers that'll cause shit" we all nodded in agreement.

Yet another sexy party where I'd see Finn snogging some random girl because of spin the fucking bottle. I'd have to have a word with Chop.

The next class was approaching too fast, who thought that an hour for lunch would be enough? Seriously.

Who needs to learn geography? I'm never going to be a fucking explorer. I know my way round Lincolnshire, I'll be fine.

History was no better, the teacher is old, unbelievably obese, his boobs were bigger than mine! He would walk to one end of the class and back, and he'd spend the next 10 minutes puffing and panting.

Mum picked me up straight after college, didn't have time to say bye to the gang.

"Hotpot for tea" mum declared as she disappeared into the kitchen.

"Red cabbage?" I ask.

"Obviously, money is on the side"

Fuck sake. Why couldn't we just go to the shop when we were in the car? God no, that'd be way too logical.

I stomp all the way to the shop for red cabbage that we don't really need, and I'm met halfway home by Big G and his mates.

"Bloody hell, Jabba lost weight" one of his mates say, which is met with Big G's hand slapping his stomach.

"You look good Rae" he smiles and pulls his mates away.

Bless him, if he never ran me over he'd still be a twat, but I'm kind of glad he did.

If he didn't, I would have jumped, I wouldn't have gone to the wedding reception, wouldn't have told everyone about my diary, wouldn't have been right here.

I guess things do happen for a reason.

* * *

Reviews are welcome :)


	4. Chapter 4

It's Friday, just have to make it through college today and then it's Finn's party tonight. Bricking it would be an understatement.

We met up again this morning, and Finn led me through the corridors to my class again, and we all met up at the bench for lunch again. It was like a little ritual now.

Unfortunately mum is too busy planning to pick me up from college. Too busy to pick her only child up from their place of education, meaning I have to walk.

The last 2 hours of college dragged so much, probably because I was so anxious about tonight. What if I had to watch him kiss someone? What if it was Chloe?

I wonder if Finn knows I saw him and Chloe kissing at the rave.

I had to stop thinking about him. After all, he did say before I went away, that we couldn't really be friends right now. If he didn't want me as a friend, he wouldn't want me as anything else.

As soon as I got home I made myself a sandwich and went straight to my room.

Oasis and The Stone Roses were filling the air, background noise really.

All I can hear downstairs is mum and Karim laughing together, I don't even want to know what they're doing.

_Dear Diary,_

_Made it through my first proper week of college. Suppose it helped that the gang were supporting me, especially Finn. _

_Considering he told me he couldn't be my friend, he's sure sending some mixed signals. It's frying my brain. _

_I'm so bored, diary. My room is so boring. I have nothing to do._

_How do people spend their lives in their bedroom?! I've been home for maybe 2 hours and I already want to tear my face off through boredom._

_I should be going to Finn's right now, but maybe it's better for me to not go. I'd just get jealous when he kisses anyone because of spin the bottle, if he ended up in a cupboard with someone I'd end up crying._

_Why can't things just be easy?_

I decide to get changed into something comfy, I pull my leggings on and my head is inside my top when I hear my door open.

"Can't you knock?!" I groan at my mum, as I pull the shirt down to cover myself and release my head I notice it isn't my mum at all.

"What are you doing here?" I stare wide-eyed at Finn.

"You didn't turn up, thought something might have happened, your mum let me in" he rubs the back of his head awkwardly.

Oh fuck.

Finn has just seen my body, in my most unattractive bra, with my head stuck in my shirt.

"I should have knocked, sorry" he shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

"It's okay. Shouldn't you be at yours though? Entertaining guests" I sit on the edge of my bed and he copies me.

"Just checking up on you" he doesn't look at me.

Maybe he's thinking about how the last time he was in my room was when he revealed his magical fingers, because that's what was on my mind.

"It's strange being back here" he says quietly, looking around.

"Strange having you back here" I twiddle my thumbs, surely he should be getting back to the party?

"Is there anything else you wanted?" he looks up at me and I can tell he's thinking.

"I'm waiting for you to come to the party"

"Finn, I don't think it's a good idea" he doesn't answer, just sits staring at me.

"I'm being serious" he rolls his eyes and gets up, throwing my jacket at me.

"Come on, I'll wait outside" and he walks out. Leaving my with my mouth open.

I walk down the stairs and see my mum standing there holding my bag.

"Mum?" I ask confused, she hands me my bag.

"Back here before dinner tomorrow" is all she says before going into the kitchen.

What the fuck is happening today? Mum usually has a bitch fit if I stay out.

* * *

I get on the back of Finn's bike and he drives to his house, and I'm still in a daze when we arrive.

Something was definitely strange.

There's no where near as many people as there was at my party, which made it less uncomfortable.

Archie was chatting to some guy in the corner, Chloe was playing tonsil tennis with a second year from college, Izzy and Chop were sat laughing at each other, and I didn't know any of the other people. I guess I missed a lot while I was away.

Finn leads me to the middle of the room where they're playing drinking games.

Ahh why the hell not?

The games were hard to keep track of and I ended up giving in, I had consumed enough alcohol to intoxicate an elephant. Just then a blonde girl suggested spin the bottle. Everyone started gathering in a circle, Chop and Izzy sat on either side of me, Chloe and Finn opposite, Archie nowhere in sight.

"Chop" I nudge his arm.

"What's up Raemundo?" he grins.

"Can you maybe, I don't know, warn me if you think the bottle will land on him... You know how the bottle works." He nods slightly and pats my hand.

First spin lands on Chloe, she instantly straightens her dress, the bottle lands on Izzy. They share a quick peck on the lips.

The bottle lands on everyone that I don't know, and they all exchange kisses.

"Okay taking it up a notch, you know the drill love birds, cupboard for 7 minutes in heaven"

And the bottle lands on Finn.

Chop looks at me from the corner of his eye and smiles a little, he's planned this.

Of course, it lands on me. Finn takes a big gulp of his drink and walks out to the cupboard. I take a deep breath and stand up, the alcohol clouding my vision for a second, but I recover quickly and make my way into the cupboard.

"We need to stop meeting like this" I smile, he raises an eyebrow.

"Y'know... This happened last time too..." he nods.

"I know Rae, except this time you're not being a dick to me" he laughs and I frown a bit.

"Having fun?" he asks.

"It's alright" I put my hands behind my back, against the wall, then I realise it's causing me to be closer to him. He inhales sharply and I quickly move my hands so I can step back a bit.

"Are you okay?" I ask him, he has his eyes closed, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Just..." he didn't finish his sentence. I let my gaze drop, taking in his neck, his shoulders, his arms. I had missed those arms. Hell I'd missed all of him.

"Why'd you end it?" I wasn't expecting to be asked something like that.

"I told you, the whole college thing, me being mental, not feeling good enough" he shook his head at me.

"There's nothing else?"

"I'm not exactly the type of person expect you to go for, I'm no Stacey Stringfellow" he sighs.

"And I'm glad! I couldn't stand her! You're everything I could wish for, and more. And fuck everyone else, it ain't none of their business" his fists are clenched at his sides.

"I'm sorry for fucking everything up. And I know you said you can't be friends with me but-" he chuckles softly.

"I can't be friends with you, because I want you as more than that. I can't have you as a friend now that I know what it's like to have you to myself" he rests his forehead on mine.

"I wouldn't be able to handle seeing you happy with someone else"

"I don't think I'd be happy with anyone else anyway" I say quietly. He places a kiss on my forehead.

"It's still true y'know"

"What?"

He pulls me into a hug and writes those 3 little words on my back again.

And I may be drunk, but I know now for definite, that he didn't write "**I'm an emu**".

* * *

Hope you guys are enjoying it so far :)


	5. Chapter 5

Chop called us out of the cupboard, and we decided to sit and chat instead of playing games.

"I still don't believe you, y'know"

"I still don't care if you don't believe me" he grins at me.

"So what now?" He ponders this for a minute and he takes my hand and leads me upstairs.

See, if this was just any guy I'd assume he was about to jump my bones, but this was Finn, gentlemanly Finn.

Instead we just laid on the floor of his room, listening to The Smiths on his record player, ignoring the bass of the music downstairs.

There's a loud noise downstairs that sounded like something breaking, Finn tensed up and gritted his teeth.

"I'll be back in a minute" he groaned and got up off the floor and ran downstairs, it was silent for a second until he shouted loud enough for people on the moon to hear.

"**OI**!"

"Whoever breaks anything, will have to deal with me. If you can't fucking control yourselves get out of the house!" His voice was lower now, I think the calmness of his voice scared most of the people because I heard the door opening and closing.

He returned moments later, drink in hand.

"Problem solved?" He looks at me and nods with a little smile on his face.

"We're not really party people, me and you, are we?" He poured us a drink.

"No, we're not like Chloe, Izzy and Chop. We act like old people sat in the bedroom entertaining ourselves while the kids have fun" I giggle and he offers me a glass.

"On it tonight girl" he says cheers and downs his drink.

"Now Finley, remember what happened last time you got too drunk"

"Remember who was forcing me to drink?" He nudged my shoulder.

We sat in silence for a little while, letting the soothing sounds of the Smiths wash over us.

Then something occurred to me.

"Finn"

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you get another girlfriend? I mean, its been a while, and the girls from college, they all want you" I run my finger around the top of my glass and peek up through my eyelashes at him.

"You're really asking that?" I nod and he rubs his hand against his face.

He downs another drink and faces me, holding one of my hands in his.

"Because Rae, none of them are you"

"But-"

"But nothing, that's it. I don't want them because they're not you" I shake my head at him.

"World couldn't handle another me" I smile and he tightens his grip on my hand.

And just then, the boy that was no good with words, chose actions instead. He lifted my hand to his face and kissed along my knuckles, and I suddenly remembered exactly what I was missing. His kisses tingled on my skin and made me feel so alive.

I sighed deeply and he must have taken it the wrong way because he stopped and let go of my hand.

I wasn't ready for him to shut me out again so I quickly leant forward and gave him a peck on the lips.

Whatever confirmation he needed, he got it. He then leaned forward, and pulled me to him, and kissed my cheeks, my forehead and then my lips.

His mouth tasted like cigarettes and alcohol and it feels like electric is surging through us, I had missed this so much. Nothing else mattered when we kissed, nothing existed except us.

He pulls away for a second to look me in the eyes, and I take the opportunity.

"I'm really sorry, I missed you so much" he half-smiled and pulled me up into a hug.

"I missed you too, more than you'll ever understand. Sorry I was a dickhead, I shouldn't have given you Bowie back, shouldn't have said what I did" I shook my head at him, he shouldn't feel bad.

He pulls me onto his bed with him, we lay next to each other in silence, his hand on top of mine, his legs over mine. Just like the day before the rave, in the field.

The rave.

"Finn" he turns his head slightly.

"Chloe told me you two kissed" he frowns a little and sighs.

"It wasn't my plan. I came to find you and saw you an Archie kissing, and I got angry and let her kiss me" his words came out in a rush, he came to find me? I pushed him towards Chloe by kissing Archie.

"That kiss between me and Archie, it meant nothing. I swear. He was saying he wanted us to stay friends at college and stuff and we kissed, it was just a friendly kiss, I promise" I'm clutching his hand now with both of mine, and he's smiling.

"Wish I knew that back then" he plants a kiss on my shoulder.

* * *

The noise has completely gone downstairs, and the air was starting to get cold, I shivered slightly and Finn got up quickly.

He went in his wardrobe and got out a big hoody, and passed it to me, I stood up to put it on.

When my head appeared out the top I can see Finn has gotten in bed, waiting for me.

"Don't worry, I just want to cuddle you" he pulls me down next to him and lifts the covers over us, I snuggle up to him and smile at the warmth.

We lay with his chest against my back, our legs tangled, he's using one arm as a pillow and the other to wrap around my waist.

We spend the night talking about music, college, the time I was gone, hospital, and I almost told him about Tix. Almost.

And that's how we fell asleep. Though I woke up on my back, Finns head on my shoulder, his arm still around my waist. I slowly move my arm and ruffle his hair.  
It's almost 12.

"Wakey wakey" he groans and opens one eye, and tightens his arm around me.

"Can't we just stay here?" He nuzzles his head more.

"If you want to explain to my mum why I'm late" he moved quickly then, he grabs some clothes and runs to the bathroom, within minutes he's back and I'm still getting out of bed.

"Come on then, don't wanna be late" he smiles and I pull my hood up and follow him down to his bike.

The ride is too short. As we pull outside my house I start to take the hoody off to give it back to him when he stops me.

"Keep it, looks good on you"he smiles and gives me a hug.

"See you soon?" I nod and walk to my door with a frown.

* * *

Mums already making dinner, the smell of it makes my stomach churn, Sausage casserole didn't sound good right now.

I went upstairs to my room, and sat on my bed with my fists wrapped in the hoody. Finns scent was on it, and it was magnificent. How does someone smell so good?

I went to take my bag off my back when I realised it wasn't there.

Bollocks.

I sigh, rubbing my face. At least my diary wasn't in it this time.

Mum calls me down to dinner and her and Karim are sat with shit-eating grins on their faces.

"Rae, we've been planning for a while..." She starts.

"Oh god, you're not pregnant are you?" They both laugh at me, but it could have been true, you never know with my mum.

"We're going on a honeymoon!" She claps her hands and I sit staring blankly at her with an eyebrow raised.

"You're leaving me here on my own?"

"You've got friends, I'm sure Chloe would love to stay for a while"

"How long?" I poke the sausages on my plate with the fork, making a mental note of not to tell anyone I have an empty house. No sexy parties.

"Two weeks, we're going to Greece!" My mum, is trusting me to survive 2 weeks without her. I could burn the house down! I can't cook!

"You'll be fine, I'll leave you some money, Mrs Dewhurst is always around if you need her" I scoff, I'd rather see Kester than Mrs Dewhurst.

"Fine. When do you go?" They exchange a look and I know it's soon.

"That's the thing, the flight is at one in the morning"

"Tonight? You're going tonight?!" She nods and babbles on about taking pictures for me and stuff.

All that I can focus on is the fact I'm going to be completely alone for 2 weeks, starting tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

Last time I was left home alone, the sexy party happened, yeah it was fun, but I couldn't handle cleaning all that shit up again.

The time before that, I ended up in hospital.

I was going to need something to keep me entertained for two weeks... Something that wasn't going to trash the house.

I definitely wasn't going to invite Chloe over, I love her but I couldn't put up with her non-stop for a fortnight.

Izzy wouldn't go anywhere without Chop, and though he's amazing, he likes parties too much.

Archie and I hadn't spoken since I got back, he was too busy with his new friends, who thought he was straight.

Which left me with Finn, not that _that_ was a bad thing... It'd just suck gigantic bollocks when the two weeks were over.

Though I guess I'd prefer that, than being alone all the time.

It's settled then. I'm going to invite Finn to stay with me for two weeks.

* * *

I'm twiddling the phone cable in my fingers, I think this is the third ring now, he can't be home.

I sigh deeply, just as he answers.

"Hello?" he sounds awfully confused.

"It's not a pervert breathing heavily, I sighed" I explained quickly.

"That's a relief, what's up girl?" I can almost hear the smile in his voice.

"I left my bag at yours..."

"Oh right"

"and, I was wondering if you wanted to keep me company while my mum goes away?" I awkwardly shifted my weight from one foot to the other.

"Where's she going?"

"Greece, on honeymoon"

"How long for?" I fill him in on all the details, he clears his throat and is silent for a moment.

"Umm.. When does she leave?"

"Flight's at 1am, so..."

"I'll be there, and I'll bring your bag"

"Thanks muchly, Finley. See you later" he hangs up first and I cling onto the receiver a little longer.

It's really going to happen.

I am going to have Finn fucking Nelson - Sex Wizard, in my house, for two weeks.

Oh. My. God.

* * *

"Rae, love. We're going now" mum wakes me up by slapping my face. Obviously shaking my shoulder wasn't good enough, I had to be assaulted in my sleep.

"Remember pictures. Presents..."

Mum rolls her eyes and walks down the stairs, I hear Karim shout his goodbye.

I run to the window when I hear the door slam, and watch them leave in a taxi to go to the airport.

It starts here, freedom, peace, quiet.

Sleep.

* * *

I'm woken up an hour later by the door bell.

_Jesus titty fucking Christ._

I didn't mean to fall back to sleep! Now I have to answer the door to Finn, looking like a homeless woman that just got in a fight. Great.

I run down the stairs shouting 'I'm coming' and I hear him chuckle on the other side of the door, I fling it open breathlessly.

I don't think I'll ever get used to how gorgeous he is, the way his dark eyes had little flecks of light in them, the curves of his lips, his long eyelashes.

Focus.

"Sorry, I fell asleep" I run my hands over my hair, making sure it's not a birds nest.

He keeps quiet, turns and locks the door, takes my hand and leads me back to bed. He slips off his jeans and settles down, waiting for me.

We lay in the same position as we did in his bed, though it's slightly more difficult in mine, I seriously need a bigger bed.

He draws little circles on my forearm, and his lips ghost across my neck, and I snuggle into him more, his arm tightens and then loosens again around me.

"Wouldn't do that if I were you" he says low in my ear.

"Do what?" my eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"What you just did" I shuffle a little and his arm tightens again.

"Why?" I turn to lay on my back and look into his eyes and they're darker than usual.

And suddenly I realise why, when I feel something pressed against my thigh.

"Oh" I can't help the shit-eating grin that spreads across my face. He smiles cheekily and tickles my side slightly.

"Finn... No..." I warn him, and that's all he needed, he pounces on me, tickling me without mercy.

I'm squirming around, crying with laughter, begging him to stop tickling me.

Finally he stops, his arms on either side of my head, one of his knees are between my legs, I can feel the heat radiating off him. We're both panting from all the moving about and I can't help but marvel at his face, his arms, the fact he was on top of me.

He must have been thinking something along the same lines as he dipped his head down to catch my lips in a slow, intense kiss.

Fuck. Me.

I had missed this. So much.

I run my hands down his body and he leans into me, moving his knee slightly and he's getting dangerously close to rubbing it against me.

And then he pulls his shirt over his head, while I'm too busy ogling his fine, fine body, he sneakily undoes half of the buttons of my pyjama top, revealing my unattractive bra.

I try and hide it but he pulls my hands away.

"I didn't expect you'd be seeing my bra so..."

"I don't care about your bra Rae" he smiles crookedly and places a kiss near my collarbone.

"You don't know how long I've waited for this" he says as he begins to kiss across my boobs, and it feels so damn good.

I was silently praying that he'd go a little further, pull my bra down a little or something. Instead he bites down gently, and runs one hand down my side and under my back, and the sneaky fucker actually undoes my bra.

He looks so fucking smug.

Fuck this.

I take a deep breath and take my shirt and bra off, holding my boobs with my hands. I look up at his face and he looks nothing but shocked. He snapped out of it as I lean and kiss his shoulder, across his chest and up his neck. Doing a silent happy dance as he groans a little. His hands sneak down and quickly replace mine and after giving my boobs a little squeeze he lets out the sexiest fucking noise I've ever heard in my life.

"Rae.. You're beautiful" he whispers and leans me back, kissing me passionately, pressing his chest against mine, our skin finally touching and it feels so right.

His hand moves down my body slowly and I can tell where he's headed. His index finger slips under the band of my underwear, hesitating a second. I manage to make a noise that sounds like encouragement and he slips his hand down my pants, his finger lightly tracing up and down.

He's panting as much as I am, and when he hits that sweet spot, I cry out. I can feel him against my leg and it turns me on even more.

I don't know what's better, the pleasure he's giving me, or the pleasure I can see on his face in front of me.

That's when I acted on impulse - a girl with no idea what she's doing, no idea how to please a man - I stick my hand down his boxers and hold his cock.

And he fucking moaned my name. Moaned. My. Name.

Taking that as a good sign, I start to move my hand up and down, his hand falters and he drops his head to my shoulder and I know I'm doing okay. I decide to take it up a notch. I move from under him and push him onto his back, he looks confused until I start kissing my way down his body.

I pull his boxers down just enough to release the beast that has been hiding in there and I honestly never thought a penis could be so attractive.

"You don't have to" he props himself up on his elbows and I give him a little smirk.

I keep eye contact with him while I slowly move my tongue across the underneath of his shaft and feel victorious when his head lolls back and he sighs.

I keep my eyes fixed on his face, as I take all of him into my mouth. His fists clenching in my bed sheets as I find a rhythm.

I wanted to ask if it was good, if he wanted me to do anything different. As his hand wrapped in my hair I figured I was doing okay.

I sucked a little harder, and his hand gripped my hair tighter.

"Rae I'm gonna- _fuck -_ you have to stop" I ignore him and carry on.

My hand working one way, my mouth the other, and I lightly scratch his thigh with my free hand.

That's all it took.

* * *

Sorry if it doesn't go too well, it's been a long time since I attempted any kind of smut, but I tried - as requested by a reviewer :)


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